Love Gained
by PW 1
Summary: 1xR Do soul mates truly know what the latter is feeling? Her happiness was his, even though he sacrificed his true happiness. He watched her throughout the years, her discoveries and her triumphs, and her tears.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters Bandai, sunrise, and associated companies do. I hold no claim to their descriptions or to their personalities, but I do believe I gave them different feelings than the show portrayed. Thus I do own the plot and little knick knacks in between.

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song used: Please Remember Me

Artist: Tim McGraw

Love Gained

by: Pixie Wings

"O cruel needless misunderstanding: O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast...but it was alright, everything was alright, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself."

~George Orwell from _1984  
_  


Heero watched as Relena gave her final speech to the eagerly awaiting crowd. Today was the day that the universe would lose their symbol of peace. Relena Peacecraft was dissolving the title of Prime Minister and Vice Minister. She was dissolving her political place in the world. 

Today felt like she was placing closure to the past - and in a way, she was.

He had been watching the incredible woman work her way through grit and grime in the political system, first obtaining a true peace that he was sure would last forever. If not forever, perhaps for centuries. Then he witnessed her piece together the Mars terraforming project. He watched her reacquaint families that had distanced themselves from each other over petty political views, brothers were reunited with their brothers, cousins came back to their families... even the fathers and sons were brought back together.

He watched all this in the shadows. Not because he was afraid someone would try and kill her, they knew better. She was what gave them peace, and they loved her too much for that. He did it to save himself and her the pain that they caused when they were together. 

Yet, he couldn't draw himself away from her. He had to see her, there was no denying that single fact. He loved her. She loved him, he knew that much. Even though the love they shared was strong, they tore each other down and made the latter weak. The world didn't need that... Relena didn't need that.

All our tears have reached the sea.   
Part of you will live in me,   
Way down deep inside my heart   


Today he would say his silent goodbye to her. In all the years he watched her, she had never known. That was the way he intended to keep it. No one was to ever know. Although at times he could have sworn she knew he was there. One of her occasional glances upwards toward a balcony, or a quick side glance. Maybe she did know, not consciously, but unconsciously. Like soul mates.

Heero shook his head. 

No not today, these thoughts are not meant for today. Relena deserved to be happy, especially since he denied himself that happiness he knew he could never get. Besides, his Relena had a steady male acquaintance that even he approved of. His once opponent who was always a friend, Quatre. He would make his Relena happy and protect her from all the physical and emotional sorrows in life. 

Sure he could protect Relena from the physical sorrows that fate sends in her direction, that he was sure of. It was the emotional sorrows he was unsure of. How could he possibly protect her from something he couldn't understand. No... it was best to leave her in the capable hands of Quatre. A strong man who knew emotions better than anyone else.

He was her match, yet he felt as though it wasn't right. He felt as if he should be the one waiting for her to finish her speech. To be the one to give her the hug at the end, to embrace her. Although he felt his heart tearing into two at the thought, he refused to confront her. She needed to move on, and he knew with his whole being that Quatre was the man to comfort her. The one to be there for her... for the rest of her life.

The days keep coming without fail.   
New wind is gonna find your sail   
That's where your journey starts. 

He watched again, his thoughts disrupted, as Relena read her final sentaces of her speech with emotion trembling in her voice. Her beautiful soft blue eyes were tear-filled, her expression one of remembrance. _Rosemary_. Heero thought. Rosemary is for remembrance. He once again was drawn out of his thoughts by her soothing voice, saying her final goodbye.

"I will never forget those who have helped me become me... all of you. I will remember you, no matter what hardships fate throws in my direction. For you were what kept me going through the hardest years of my life, and now I have done all I can for you. I will have come and gone in your lives, and you in mine. I hope that this is something we never forget. Please take care... and remember the peace we have obtained." Relena said, tears coursing down her face on this sorrowful event.

Heero sighed. Today Relena was ending one life and starting a new life. She would learn to live anew, even with past memories of war... and of him. She would eventually forget him, but he would never forget her. The person that believed in him, the one that placed her life in his hands with all the trust in the world. Something he hadn't felt until she had challenged him knowing he could never shoot her.

She was his redemption, she would be his happiness. Hopefully she would remember him and one day tell his story to her children. Perhaps then his legacy would come true, that he would truly become a hero.

You'll find better love,   
Strong as it ever was,   
Deep as the river runs,   
Warm as the morning sun,   
But please, remember me. 

As she walked off stage Heero walked out towards the unwelcoming world. He didn't feel as though he belonged in the very world he helped to create peace for. It wasn't his to live in. It was his Relena's, and if anyone tried to disrupt her peace... his peace for her, they would surely pay for it with their lives. 

Heero walked without purpose now, lost within the darkness of his soul. His lonely soul. One that would never shine the way his soul-mates did. The one with the soft blue eyes, the forgiving one. 

He eventually found himself at the beach, the beach where he first saw her. The very beach where he ran away from her, where he continually ran away from her. This time though, it was different. It wasn't as though he did it out of fear, he did it for her. So she could be happy and live in the present, not the past.

He looked up toward the sky, the stars twinkling down upon him. Glittering their regret, fates regret that he couldn't be happy. That didn't matter in the end though, a part of him would be happy now no matter what. Now that she was happy he could leave, he wouldn't have to watch over her anymore. She would remember her past but know that the past is the past and the future lay before her. Quatre would have taught her that if he knew any better. 

Like the waves down by the shore   
We're gonna keep on coming back for more.   
Cause we don't ever wanna stop

Relena Peacecraft had gotten married to Quatre Winner two months after stepping out of the public view. She was now completely and truly out of Heero's reach. Heero nearly being left out of her life completely. 

Given some more time she had children, many children. Through out the years he had memorized their names, their features, their characters from afar. He watched over his Relena and her family as though they were his own. 

He knew him being around was no good, but he couldn't allow himself to leave her. After a few months he came back and watched over her again. No one could go long without their soul mates.

No one ever saw him, no one even knew he existed anymore. As far as the world knew, he had completely vanished - returning to the grave as the real Heero Yuy. 

So being completely forgotten while Relena's life was no longer in danger, he witnessed the triumphs of her everyday life. When it was once conquering the political speeches it was now having a successful talk with her children on different issues of respect. He witnessed her emotional reunion with a brother once lost, but then found. He saw her tenderly rocking her children to sleep out on the veranda. 

This was the happiness he sacrificed for her.

Out in this brave new world you'll see   
Over the valleys and the peaks.   
And I can see you on the top. 

Given the chance again, he knew this was the only way. She was truly happy, she had the family she had been denied since childhood. He now had a family to watch and protect, even if they weren't really his. She was happy, he was happy. What she felt he felt, and that was they way it should be in his mind.

She felt the love and strength from Quatre, she had the protection and the silent faith from himself, and both he and Quatre were rewarded every time they heard her laughter, they saw her smile, they heard her singing sweet little songs to her children. They felt her happiness. 

At times though, Heero had his doubts. Did Relena remember him? Did she remember what he sacrificed for her happiness? Did she even know? Or was what he silently feared true? Did she forget him? 

You'll find better love,   
Strong as it ever was,   
Deep as the river runs,   
Warm as the morning sun,   
But please, remember me.   


Then one night he saw her tears, the pain swelled in his chest. Those glittering crystals fell one by one, shattering on the cold cement under her bare feet. Why was she crying?

Then as if on cue, the faintest motion of her lips, the softest breath a person ever took, and the sound of his name was spoken. Her tear streaked face looked to fates diamonds above. 

Heero moved closer from his position to hear what she meant for him to hear. She was speaking to him through the stars. Almost as if that were truly their line to each other.

"Heero where are you? I haven't seen you in so long. I wish you your happiness where ever you are. I wish I could have said goodbye... I suppose this will do though. I know I will never see you again, so goodbye." she whispered her finality to the stars above before retreating back into the house.

She does think of me after all this time. She does... she does remember me! Heero thought, a faint smile gracing his lips. His heart reaching out to hers, emotions boiling over. What wouldn't he give to hold her in his arms, to thank her for remembering him - the way he remembered her. Yes he still loved her and she still loved him, but now a fleeting type of love. One from their younger days. Their first loves... ones that never die.

Remember me when you're out walking.   
When snow falls high outside your door.   
Late at night when you're not sleeping,   
And moonlight falls across your floor...   
And I can't hurt you anymore. 

He continued his silent vigil of his soul mate until she celebrated her youngest child's wedding. He waited until the children grew and until she no longer needed his silent, unknown support. 

Then he left. Not forever though you see, soul mates cannot be separated forever. So years later when her many grandchildren came, he paid his silent visit. He deserved to see the grandchildren too, they were in a way his.

On discovery of their upcoming trip to the beach, he arranged a small surprise for his once long ago love and her family.

He watched her hair billowing out behind her as she walked the beach, grand children in tow. A peaceful sight, and then she stopped. 

He smiled as she gathered up his present. 

Relena twirled it between her delicate fingers and showed it to her children. Rosemary. 

It was for remembrance. She looked up into the pristine blue sky and raised her hand as if touching the few cottony clouds that danced by.

One question arose in his eyes as he once again turned away from her - Did she remember him?

Or better to ask, could she.

You'll find better love,   
Strong as it ever was,   
Deep as the river runs,   
Warm as the morning sun,   
But please, remember me. 

Please remember me. 

There's stories of swans dieing if their mates die. Could this hold true for soul mates? They may not mate as in 'to have children', but in their souls they mate. They cannot live without one another. True love and devotion does not come in marriage, it comes within the person. Whether or not they will be eternally together, that is only a question those two 'soul-mates' can know the answer to. It is a very rare love indeed.

~_"There's rosemary, that's for remembrance, pray, love, remember." - Shakespeare~_

~*~*~

I know rosemary isn't a beautiful plant, but its used for remembrance. Its hard to explain in my own words, but I've known the plant Rosemary was meant as remembrance since my Freshman year because my teacher (who was a wonderful nut) was so enthralled with Shakespeare told us everything she could. Anyway here are some myths and legends regarding the flower. The website I got it from will be listed below.

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" Rosemary is steeped in myth, magic and folk medicine use. A favourite story about Rosemary is the one that originates from Spain. It relates that originally the blue flowers were white. When the Holy Family fled into Egypt, the Virgin Mary had to hide from some soldiers, so she spread her cloak over a rosemary bush and knelt behind it. When the soldiers had gone by she stood up and removed her cloak and the blossoms turned blue in her honour. Also connected to the Christian faith is the story that rosemary will grow for 33 years, the length of Christ's life and then die. 

The history of the plant is recorded as far back as ancient Greece. It is said that students would wear garlands of rosemary around their heads while taking exams or studying their lessons, due to its reputation of improving the mind and memory. Most likely from Greek studying habits, rosemary came to signify remembrance. At funerals, mourners carried fresh sprigs to toss onto the grave to signify that the deceased would not be forgotten. 

Later, In Elizabethan days, rosemary became a symbol of fidelity, finding a place in ceremonies of not just burial but also weddings. The wedding couple wore or carried a sprig of rosemary as a sign of faithfulness. Also, bunches of rosemary were tied with coloured ribbon tipped with gold and given to guests at weddings to symbolize the couples' love for each other."

http://home.achilles.net/forgetmenot/rosemary.htm

Mixture of meanings eh? But beware, it has a *strong* sent!

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~PPW~

(Perky Pixie Wings)


	2. a

please ignore this I'm just testing something ^_^  
  
(yes Pixie is a baka no need to tell me) 


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